So I ordered some Soylent today. If you don't know what it is the short answer is it is human flesh pressed into various different edible items. Soylent cola, soylent cole slaw, etc... All of it absolutely delicious and 100% non-GMO, organic, earth friendly and all the rest of that glutino, veganarino (yes I just made those words up) stuff that really Rodgers hipsters Hammersteins.
Sorry, I've been watching a lot of Futurama lately.
All joking aside I really did order 12 bottles of the stuff. For what exactly?
Not the frothing beakers and neon liquids kind but a practical kind. Do I hate getting lunch enough to effectively skip it?
A little backstory is in order. I work in a high rise in downtown Columbus and more often than not I either A) forget to pack a lunch and loath trying to head down into the flow of human trout seeking lunch on the streets surrounding the capital or B) I run late to work because I do indeed remember to pack a lunch. Am I lazy? Yes, most certainly but the fact of the matter still remains that I think it would be easier to slam a bland slurry of nutrients than deal with all the anxiety of trying to find or pack food.
So here's what I'm going to do. For the next three weeks I am going to eat nothing but Soylent for lunch on business days that aren't Wednesdays. That's hotdog day and I'm not giving that up. Google Dirty Franks and you'll understand why. But for every other day I am going to guzzle the canpake batter to get my daily value of bland nutritious scientifically prepared bare minimum to see if it helps with this incredibly pathetic problem I have. Nothing but Soylent for lunch. No chips, no soda, nothing with caloric value aside from Soylent. I do reserve the right to add Nesquik to it if it ends up tasting like crap.
I'll update you to tell you how it goes.